Where is Kanye when you need him?

Looks like the rest of the country needs to catch up on some NYC Metro 101, and why not have it delivered by someone who really knows the difference between a yellow taxi cab and a livery one, Taylor Swift.  I have been combing through YouTube trying to find more of these important video lessons for future would-be New Yorkers that won’t mispronounce Houston Street like Houston, Texas, and how could try to be down in the great Big Apple without knowing what a Bodega is?  Remember, “The Bodega is our friend,” but I hate to tell you that the massive hikes in rent prices has forced them out from most neighborhoods.  The closest thing you might find to a bodega is what we call a “Korean Deli.”  Where you can get everything from a fresh slab of tofu, wasabi nuts, and every fucking blend of bottled overpriced tea or juice known to mankind.

I have seen NYC change over the years from what was once a pretty visceral, grimy, lovable, but distasteful epicenter for exploitation, vanity, and cultural aesthetics, with the occasional need to duck for cover on a night out on the town.  Sure, it gave us a pretty gloomy reputation to the rest of the world, but it was THE silly little creature comfort for the silly little creatures called New Yorkers.  If you happen to come to New York City and like it, please get the fuck out, but before you get out foot handed to your ass at the city limits, remember that there’s that little nodule deeply hidden inside our inquisitive minds that loves you on the inside, but can’t cope with your foreign ways and mannerisms that make you a dirty little outsider.  It all started in the late nineties with a heap of bored New Englanders that decided to spread their wicked-good ways throughout the five boroughs, and since then, I have seen and heard the most hideous fucking accents from every crevice of the USA run rampant through the bars, clubs, and take-out joints.  A nasty infection.

So with all the notoriety and gold teeth, you decide to give us a golden blonde slice of apple pie [not the Drakes cakes type] in the form of a goofy little hillbilly mall queen that is now dubbed ambassador.  Notice the word ass…  No Jenny from the block.  No Biggy.  No Spike Lee.  No fucking Madonna! [She’s still alive, ya know]  Or how about Mr. Tribeca himself, Robert Deniro?  Too old?  Do you think we really care about age when out cultural identity is at stake?  Most of the young faces of New York have a usual arrest or two for possession, but I guess it’s a strange trend for a city that will repeatedly fuck with your head.  Taylor Swift?  Really? How could you STOOP so low.  Watch the video.  Click the fuckin’ link.  STOOP is a NYC vocabulary word.  Right Miss Taylor???