I dare not venture into peeking at the details of the packaging that lists the ingredients of their magical mystery meat, but somewhere along the vast tundra of intoxication and sobriety stands the white, stone-faced clinic of choice after a long night of slammin’ a few down at the bar.
It is that clandestine gesture in the wee hours of the night, ensued with a treacherous drive-thru wait that defies the true willpower of patience, only to be greeted by a raspy voice behind a thrashed speaker system as you are faced with a pillar of brightly lit options ranging from chicken rings, fries, drinks, and America’s favorite sliders aka THE CRAVE. Choose wisely my friend, but please stick to the basics…
For some reason, I am not alone. There is something in those steamy fat-filled squares from White Castle that dash through your innards and detoxify/cleanse your system after a long night out. Of course, there’s that climactic trip (maybe a couple for some) to the porcelain fountain to get rid of all that waste, but what seemed like a journey into wasted-ville roughly six hours ago turns into a gastronomical fix of sorts without the aid of fortified natural blend that would serve as a “healthier” choice. It leaves those nutritionists in a tailspin and that hangover in the dust.
Is it bad for you? HELL FUCKING YES, but I feel pretty damn fine and ready for the new day ahead. As I bite in, I will never forget what my old college professor would say, “It’s a pleasurable death.”
Maybe it’s the nitrates, the fat, the minced onions, the moist clammy buns, or the steamy putty they call beef, but for some miracle of nature, those babies sure do the trick! Thank you nasty fast food giant.